Maybe your facebook status won't ever read "I love you" .... "I miss you"...."Your my world"...and such updates dedicated to me....maybe my facebook wall won't show any post from you that is corny and mushy to say the least....yes may be you will never express your feelings for me through worldly materials such as an archies card...or a monthly gift...as we grow older together by another month...may be you will always be saying..."I don't feel much you know, its just blank most of the time"..."When I do feel , I feel it very strongly and I know I am right" , "I am more confident now...sure" and I might be asking you the same stupid, blande questions and pop the idea of ending our not so conventional relationship from time to time....because there is nothing absolutely nothing that would let the "the others" be in peace and put an end to propositions like "how can it be love..when there is no dependance"..."it is not love but hightened liking towards each other..which would wear off soon" (but I think we have crossed many a "soon" crossroads) .... our relationship doesn't have a label...doesn't have a status to display on the social networking sites...our relationship doesn't have facebook notes revealing how wonderful...how heavenly everday has been....it doesn't show how completely the worlds have changed for us....it doesn't say "your the one for me in this life and everafter"......what it does have is...a few status updates that reveal how uncomfortable...suffocating...a week had been...how much pressure...it had created...loads of ugly fights...breaks...break up....the best possible inference there is no understanding...how our bond has messed all the clear lines in our lives.....
But this relationship also has...many sweet moments...moments that have carved a place for themselves...moments that can never be erased....be it the 4th or the 17th november or the 24thDecemeber 2009....and many such days...it has some heartwarming conversations...some silences...loads of fun....centred around our very own Rolls Royce....when I look back at those days...I see we have been different from what I see around myself....in this very short time...I can say we have grown a little bit ....clashed a lot...understood each other very little...it amazes me .. that even after all those turbulences how the hell we are still together.....I mean really we could have broken up a 100times and over again...we could have stayed single...maybe dated some one else....but strangely nothing of that sort happened...these 11months have been full of topsy turvy...ups and downs... if she sits down to plot a line graph I can imagine how uneven the line plotting our relationship would look like...!
I have been mushy , corny, extremely emotional, a kid...haven't understood you made efforts failed to understand...cried like hell on some gloomy days...smiled brighter than the sun on some occassions... pulled your cheek, punched , rotated that nose of yours...have been the most likely one to embarrass you in public...shared very weird, grotesque imaginations...scenarios...which would make any girl ditch her boyfriend....been perverted almost about everything...cracked stupid silly sad jokes to which only u have laughed...till date...On the other hand you have been quiet , sometimes cold yes very cold , hard on me...I have felt that I have been wronged at many places...felt like Why ME? Why do u have to be so cruel?Why just on me??
I am not going to lie...I have had been in love before...but everytime I returned home with a tear in the corner of my eyes...strangely we happened...out of the blue....its been weird since then...I know I am not the boyfriend material...with all the shit that you have taken in this short period I dont think any one else would have bothered taking so much pain...we have been different in expressing our love for each other...very different...but everytime I read the yellow card,the shells, the birthday card u gave me and mr.Froggy....I realise that no matter how much I try I will never be able to stop what we started...no matter how many miles your apart from me...even if I don't see u everyday...I want you to know... that I am there as a friend.as a boyfriend. and as the One.I guess you know all of this...and much more.I have never questioned your feelings for me.Never will.I know whatever you feel thats at a very deep level.may be not very palpable....but...I am sure... and thus there's no reason for you to have weird thoughts. And even if with all our efforts we loose each other physically someday ( hope that never happens)....I am sure that we will still be there very much...I know you wont forget..neither shall I...
You must be tired now after all this intense stuff!But I wanted to write whatever is going through my mind.I won't torture you further with this.You can go back to doing whatever you were...I presume - eating/reading/sleeping.Bye..See you tomorrow. }:-)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Its been ages since I have published anything on this space, as a matter of fact its been ages since I have written something due to the pressure of my creative juices!Well at present my life is going fine, may be not very smoothly always but overall it is going fine.Except college has become very hectic..the classes are rammed against one another.Not a moment of BREATHER.Its weird when exams are around the corner one tends to do all the things that are not even closely related to studying the prescribed syllabus!Anyway...I have wasted too much time already...need to go Bye.Will be posting regularly soon!