Tuesday, April 27, 2010

1st Year @ Xaviers

1st July 2009 was the day I officially became a part of St.Xavier's College Kolkata.I had badly wanted to get into the institution since a long time.It was a wish that got fulfilled.From the outside Xaviers seemed to be a very attractive prospect, it had an appeal that no other college in the city had.But post the inauguration day, the college has slowly slowly showed its true colors.The strict rules of the college is the only de-inspiring factor about the place.But it is fun.One can easily discover loopholes in the system if one pays a bit of attention.I consider myself to be one of the few lucky people who have been given the chance to be a part of the college.Even with the strict rules and regulations, there is a certain homely feeling about the place, the yellow walls, the canteen, the green benches and the class rooms has this very friendly and homely feeling about them.The 1st year of college has been an interesting one.It has been very eventful and I shall remember it forever.When I entered college, personally I was going through a pretty rough phase.But college gave me a new opening.A new social platform.I have made many new friends.People here are very friendly.But I am very thankful to college for giving me, the most important treasure in my life.I will always be grateful to college for this.College would have been empty without my treasure.Yes the days I have gone to college just to end up finding that my treasure was absent had been the most terrible days in the 1st year.Political Science has been a good choice.So far the experience of the course has been pretty decent.I didn't feel really bad when school got over as a matter of fact I didn't miss school during those initial days.But I am quite sure that I will miss college when it gets over.Yes the 1st year of college has given me a lot more than I had expected.The finishing line doesn't seem very far away.But I am sure I am going to enjoy college to the fullest for the next couple of years.Ohhh...and the other negative bit about 1st year was that Xavotsav - the college fest was good but not as exciting as I had thought it would be.Hoping for a much better show next time around.On a study leave now..sem-2 will be starting in a weeks time.Not prepared like always :( .Praying that I don't get badly screwed....bbbyeeee.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

The Little World To Hide In...

Intense build up
No space to breathe
Warm breath on shoulders
Palpitating heart
Dreamy touch of conviction
Strange music to the ears
The soft touch
The warmth
The little world to hide in...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

" When our yesterday's are gone....And Today's almost Over"

"When our yesterday's are gone....and Today's almost over" .....this line has caught my imagination like anything.The line belongs to the song Chasing The Sun by Motherjane. Yes when a day begins , it has to end,when something starts it has to attain culmination.When the plane takes off , it has to land. Everything that has life...dies.It is just a matter of time.How long? How long?All good phases pave the way for bad times and the bad times for good.We forget to prepare or sheath ourselves for the bad times, we are too caught up celebrating.But when the bad times come we become broken.We feel the world has crashed upon us from nowhere, out of the blue.Life is strange.Its enigmatic, a mystery.Its what you to choose to do.Everything is in our hands.We can control our lives, not let it go by.But in this journey, u cannot be the lone traveler.Yes people do come and go away while this journey is in progress, but there are people who stick around till the chequered flag, till the finish line.At this point we realize who were the real friends and who were just beating the friendship drum.One cannot live life , go through its obstacles all by himself/herself, if that was the case then there wouldn't have been any competition either.People are important.Our yesterdays bring us a smile or a tear on our faces because of the people we had around us.Our today's are tolerable again because of people surrounding you and the tomorrow seems hopeful because at the end of all the harshness you believe you will be not alone but surrounded by people, those special few.We might call ourselves antisocial at times, drive away friends, enemies too. But these are all phases.One needs to strike balance between independence and the other aspects of life. Cause you do need a shoulder to cry on, you do need a heart to share love with, you do need another person to crack a joke with, you do need that hug to make you feel wanted, make you feel at home, safe and sound, loved, protected.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Letterbox

The dusty heat
Cars honking away to glory
The letterbox and the tree
The slimmest of privacy
The reassuring touch
The not anticipated tears
Making me believe
Rekindling my hope
The unsteady heartbeat
There is still hope...
Its not the last last...

Friday, April 16, 2010

Take Away My Pain

I was sitting on the edge of his bed
Staring at the headlines on the paper
He said, 'Look at poor Gene Kelly
I guess he won't be singing in the rain.'
You can take away my heroes
Can you take away my pain

Take away my pain
Leave the cold outside
Please don't let it rain
Don't stumble on my pride
Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
Just stay with me tonight
I'm tired of this fight
Soon I'll be knocking at your door

She was standing by the edge of his bed
Staring at the message on their faces
He said, 'What else can you do, babe?
I guess I won't be coming home again.'
They just took away all my promises
Make them take away my pain

Take away my pain
Leave the cold outside
Please don't let it rain
Don't stumble on my pride
Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
Just stay with me tonight
I'm tired of this fight
Soon I'll be knocking at your door

His final scene
The actor bows
And all those years
Are gone somehow
The crowd applauds
The curtain falls

I was standing by the edge of the water
I noticed my reflection in the waves
Then I saw you looking back at me
And I knew that for a moment
You were calling out my name
You took away my hero
Will you take away my pain

Take away my pain
Let the cold inside
It's time to let it rain
There's nothing left to hide
Take away my pain
I'm not frightened anymore
I'm learning to survive
Without you in my life
Till you come knocking at my door...

Here's the song :-


I messed everything up big time.Can't believe already 24hrs have passed.Time really moves fast.The most strange day in college I had, maybe I should get used to it from now on.World moves on.Every one seemed to be happy, satisfied in their own world, enjoying their time in the heat.Weird all of a sudden all the simple equations have got distorted, the big picture has been smudged by this new ink.May be time will dry up the page, may be time will erase this sudden blot, may be not.Its too difficult to predict what will happen the next moment? No one knows.Every one can only speculate.Its strange all of a sudden college doesn't seem a great proposition, I don't like college, nothing about it, the ledge, the canteen, the green benches, the roads leading up to the place,Park Street has changed if not forever at least for a while.Damn weird.Day 1 over.I shall stop counting after sometime.Its all too well known for me. I have done it before, only ended up empty handed the last time around and just that nothing had changed back then, no object acquired a new meaning. A few days ago I was like " 1st year over :( only 2 years left" .... but now at 12:27a.m. these coming 2years seem a long a really long journey....................................who knows what lies ahead??

Thursday, April 15, 2010

May Be Tomorrow..

Time flew by
The bulbs started dimming
I was just not seeing
May be Tomorrow..
Everything will be fine
Everything will be straightened out
For that final time
When everything will make sense
May be Tomorrow..
Will never come
It just will end like this
In this apparent meaningless fashion
May be Tomorrow..
Will make a new start
From the scratch
May be Tomorrow..
I will know it was all part of the plan
May be Tomorrow..
May be Tomorrow..

Staring At The Sun

I have been hooked on to this song for quite some time now.Its Staring At The Sun by U2.The song is pretty simple but has a catchy tone.The acoustic version is better than electric one I feel. Here goes the lyrics....

Summer stretching on the grass... summer dresses pass

In the shade of a willow tree creeps a crawling over me
Over me and over you stuck together with God's glue
It's going to get stickier too...
It's been a long hot summer
let's go undercover
Don't try too hard to think... don't think at all

I'm not the only one starin' at the sun
Afraid of what you'd find if you took a look inside
Not just deaf and dumb i'm staring at the sun
Not the only one who's happy to go blind

There's an insect in your ear if you scratch it won't disappear
It's gonna itch and burn and sting
Do you want to see what the scratching brings
Waves that leave me out of reach
Breaking on your back like a beach...
Will we ever live in peace?
Cause those that can't do often have to
Those that can't do often have to... preach

To the ones staring at the sun...
Afraid of what you'll find if you took a look inside
Not just deaf and dumb... staring at the sun
I'm not the only one who'd rather go blind

Intransigence is all around... military is still in town
Armour plated suits and ties... daddy just won't say goodbye
Referee won't blow the whistle God is good but will HE listen
I'm nearly great
But there's something I'm missing I left in the duty free
Though you never really belonged to me

You're not the only one staring at the sun
Afraid of what you'd find if you stepped back inside
I'm not sucking my thumb I'm staring at the sun
Not the only one who's happy to go blind

Here's the song :-

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


Finally went to a movie after what seems ages.The last movie I went to was MNIK with my mother. But this time around I went all alone, after how long I don't know.I like watching movies alone with just the popcorn and the soft drink to accompany me.When I was in 11th and 12th , I used to go to the movies alone most of the time and I was very regular at the theater. GreenZone was a good movie, Matt Damon as good as always.The movie is about the US-Iraq war. It basically shows the war time turmoil after Saddam Hussein's death and the establishment of democracy by the USA. The action scenes were terrific. The movie was nothing over the top but it was a good movie.With my second semester examinations almost knocking on the door , yesterday was probably one of my last outings for sometime.I was dying to watch a movie and hence went for it. I can't believe how coolly mom gave me permission which doesn't happen to often.It was a welcome breather.I think too much just way too much....I will go mad I guess soon.I am going to hit the pillows now. Goodnight.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Pearl from the angel's necklace
Rising like the bright moon
Engulfing all the pain and sorrow

Emanating the positive vibe

Takes away the tears and the pain
In her bosom into the night...


The meeting - a mere chance
The events - meant to be
The spark - fiery
The unsaid conversations - intensity

Hope - the way to live
Pain - the strength to imbibe
Love - more than just a feeling
Relationship - Never say Goodbye

Touch - the medicine to cure
Smell - Fruity enough to bring a smile
Tears - the ripping apart sensation beneath the skin
Smile- makes any day bright

Fights - makes the bond strong
Time - makes the friendship grow
Bad phases - suffer suffer suffer
Hugs - we will live forever to show.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


A few pictures I took through which I wanted to freeze time and relive those days.

Thinking Aloud

There's clouds in the sky, the atmosphere humid,sweat, the stink all mixed in the air around me makes the feeling more sensational.Its all dark up in the heavens , seems it is going to rain soon, even I am waiting for the showers.Things are really hot , rains should calm the heat. The fire should be purified once again.It hasn't been smooth...my story rather our story, but still it has been fun.Looking around what I see is very different from what I experience, maybe their lives are not so convoluted like mine...like ours.Then again every story is unique.Ours being a bit more special than the rest.Its been different very different from what I had expected it to be.Smooth, easy-going,chilled out culminating in a "they lived happily ever after", that has not been the case.But I have realized one thing that life becomes more complicated as we move up the age ladder......back then it all seemed so very easy.School...studies...college...get employed....get married....retire from work...then die.The order is still the same but the flavor of the whole cycle isn't as simple as I thought it would be.My journey has been not quite easy and not quite difficult,but it has been simple.Yes a simple journey it has been.Nothing much significant has happened up until a few months ago when I started widening the walls of my world to unite with her world and make it ours.As I was saying it has been not quite smooth but it has been fun, so far it has been quite a fulfilling experience.Even with the tear drops here and there it has been happy.At the end of the day we have a good time.Not a conventional good time like the rest of the world but our good time which finds meaning only in our world.Yes we do have our little world.It didn't seem foreign ever, don't even remember how it got created....its been so naturally done. A little more than 3months left for my 20thbirthday.2 decades flew by just...1st year is well and truly over ..just a couple of weeks left....and just 2 more years left before I say sayonara to college life.Strange...very strange....time never slows down doesn't stop when I want to...it flows at its own pace. Yes there has been moments when I wanted time to freeze but it didn't, time didn't listen.I have learned how to suppress desires, sometimes I fail to but most of the times I think I manage decently to hide my inner tweets.But I have seen one thing no matter what happened , how much tougher it got, my hope never got suffocated.I always hoped for the best,sometimes I prepared for the worst and sometimes I didn't but hope didn't leave me ever.It stuck by me like a very few close friends,like a leach except this leach didn't suck the vitality away.I analyze things constantly which is a bad thing I have learned of late, sometimes you just got to give it a break from being all precise and meticulous about everything. Things grow at their own pace I have learned that too... one cannot just accelerate growth like that, if one does so, short term fruits might be harvested but things suffer in the long run. Its better to let something develop on its own,its better that way.The road hasn't been smooth,scarred here and there...aahhh...but that means there will be smoother road ahead...that means I will also be ready to face the next unfriendly circuit with more courage.Its still cloudy but that means it will rain soon and that means the sun will come out once again.Patience is the art of hoping-that's my orkut prediction.I agree with it.Its been really weird in a way.Here's hoping for much smoother and a stable life at least for the next couple of decades if not for much more.Hope, that is all I can do.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

If Ever

If ever the final bell rings
If ever time consumes this friendship
The world won't miss much
Just a couple of loafers stampeding Parkstreet
Won't be there
A few warm glances maybe..
The momo shops will still be wide open
The charred building will still remain
The orange street lights, they will glow
The metros will still be plying at the same time
Just a pair of bluetooth won't be connected...
Songs, strings of music will be frozen in time
Ice cream will still be melting at its natural speed
Just the roads will miss a few footsteps
Skin will still sweat, tears will be a little more salty
But memories will be sweet as always
Sweet enough to bring a smile just for a few seconds
If ever the knell is sound ....
If ever that is...

Saturday, April 3, 2010

A Treasure It Was

A treasure it was
The little world
You and I had
The our world
Where we sang the our song
Where we had the our lingo
The world I had to leave
Because there was no more space
The smiles , the tears
The laughter , the pain
Getting me high..the love that was insane
The drug that kept me alive
The drug that raped my belief
The drug that gave the same filth
Its gone now....only memories
Memories of the our song
Memories of the our rain
Memories of the our sun
And the shade....
Memories now both good and bad
But I cherish those cause I know I did because I had to
No hard feelings now...no bad blood....
I have found a new world
Its very different
Don't know what pain it will give me
Don't even want to know...
Cause I have grown strong
Thanks to the drug
Now I don't go wrong
An enigmatic life ahead.......

This was what I could make of everything that you told me my friend,may be its no where close to your interpretations to your experiences....but nonetheless an effort I have made .... don't know why....I mean I seriously don't know the reason behind this post....oh well its dedicated to you...may be this post here is trying to tell you... that the writer understands, the comprehends....emotions too expensive I know....but that is all the writer is trying to give I guess....I am not sympathizing....I won't say I feel sorry for you...for what you have gone through...I know it was harsh....but that is life... but...all I want to say... is that my hands are on your shoulder...I am there with you......

The Storm

The storm had its prey
Another bruised heart...
Emotions scattered like broken glass
It was enough for her
She couldn't bear it any longer
Tears came rolling down
But no one was there to help her
Time patched up the bruise
And she moved on with
Numbness in her heart!

Thursday, April 1, 2010


I have found a home and it's really strong
I have found a friend who is never wrong
I have found a brand new world in those deep eyes
I have found a reason to start feeling bright
No matter how much pain the world gives
That touch makes them take a back seat
A friend in need is a friend indeed
I realized it once again last night
When everyone was just taking their leave
I am blessed to have a friend like you
My world has changed for the better all because of you
I have found a friend who is never wrong
I have found a friend at the end of it all......